whatever

if i just lay here

will you come looking for me?

i have waited for days,

weeks, months and even years.

and yet, you’re nowhere in sight.

and no, it isn’t alright.

but i am scared to leave

afraid that if i go

and come looking for you

you might come

and not me see

here, where you left me.

and i keep wondering ifyou do

if indeed you have gone searching

to find your way back to me

or was i just led to believe

a lie you conceived

just so you could leave..

i know you never asked me to stay

didn’t tell me i should wait

never told me where to go

so how am i to know?

is it prudent for me to stay

or should i start walking away?

If only it was easy to predict how other people would react given a particular scenario..I suppose everything will be a lot better. But then again, the thrill of not knowing what will happen will  be gone — and so whatever is meant to happen loses half of what it was intended to be. That is why the future, or even just tomorrow, is so enticing. You’ll never know what you’re gonna get no matter how hard you plan and control things, there will be some that are just out of your hands.

How easy it is to say que sera or pray fervently the Lord’s prayer and ask that His will be done. But in reality, most of us are control freaks that desperately hold on to the things of this world that we think will make us happy. After all, who else would know better what will make us happy than our very selves right? Wrong. What we think will make us happy may not even measure up to what God has planned to make us happy. And so it is futile to try to predict and sneak a peek at what the future has in store for us. We just have to have faith in God and in ourselves that everything will work out for the best.

Admittedly, I don’t have too many friends. I know a lot of people, spend time with a bunch of them, or talk to them on a regular basis but I would say it’s more of a "barkada" relationship. What’s the diff? Let’s see. With barkada, you may be spending considerable time with each other, share similar interests and activities, and generally enjoy each other’s company. Friendship, on the other hand (and this is just by my standards), involves an unspoken commitment to be faithful to each other, encouraging each other to become better people through shared intimacy, and ulitmately, love.  And I don’t think it’s possible to share this friendship with a lot of people because you might risk the possibility of spreading yourself too thin!

Perhaps, this is the also the basis for my earlier discussion on opposite sex relationships. I said it depends. I say it depends on how you define your own terms when it comes to friendship. And with my definition, I suppose it’s a thousand times harder not to cross over the boundaries of platonic relationships and take a chance on becoming so much more, or to some, "friendship with benefits."

In this line, another interesting point to address is the question: can you be friends with your ex? My take on this one is — probably not. Let me quote somebody I know, "kung pwede pa pala kayong maging friends eh bakit pa kayo nagbreak?" Interesting point. I don’t think I have heard anybody say that great relationships usually end with friendships. Maybe you could be part of a barkada before and you struggle to bring back the friendship you once had but I honestly think it’s not going to be possible. You could be barkadas again. But you can never save the friendship when a romantic relationship ends. After all, if it could, it would’ve been enough to save the relationship from ending.