whatever

What is it about this whole business of love and relationships, (or lack thereof) that arouses the suspicion, if in the very least, the curiosity of all kinds of people?  While it is true that it goes beyond doubt and reason, is the failure to comprehend such a big deal that we are so bogged down by it?

The difficulty, I presume, will always be the sad reality that when a perfectly human being loves another, it is never unconditional.  It is truly difficult and painful to have someone you love so much not love you back the way you would have wanted them to. There lies the irony that the only person who can tear you into pieces is the very same person that makes you whole.

Love and relationships are two entirely different concepts. The bossa nova in the background as I am writing this is a great symphony of sounds characteristic of love. And the melody? I suppose, that corresponds to relationships. What’s the diff? Music can exist without melody (that’s why there are rests not just notes), but melody without music, never.

"When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object." — Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

I never really thought I’d be getting what I thought I want. Pretty soon, I’ll be living all by myself, with my family moving to CA soon and with indefinite plans of coming back or staying there for good.

It’s been said that you should be careful in what you wish for. And true enough, all my prayers have been answered. Maybe this is the reason why I found it easier to deal with daily circumstances and difficulties without much hassle.  I trust that God will not let me have something I cannot bear and something that has no purpose.

And yet, not everything is within the grasp of reason. It is the heart that sometimes speak what is true when the mind cannot comprehend anymore.  And so I don’t think it is indecent to have the heart go on its way if reason fails to deliver. What is important is that truth is within oneself, because no one can ever really tell what is real from what is not.

Kung ano man ang itatakda ng panahon

Ay pilit kong tatanggapin

Sapagkat walang naparam sa kahapong

Hindi maiwasang lingapin..

Na kung tutuusi’y ikinukubli

Nang mga ngiting walang ningning

At mga matang  malalim.

At sa aking gunita..

Kita’y naaalala

Kahit pa sadyang nilimot

Ang lahat ng nadarama –

Ngunit paano nga ba lilimutin

Ang natatanging damdaming

Nagsusumigaw:

Ikaw lang ang minahal ng lubusan

Kahit ikaw pa ay lumisan.

Dahil ang mapait na katotohonan

Ay di lang nararamdaman,

Ang buong buhay ko

Ay sadyang sayo lamang.

History, they say repeats itself. That no matter how horrible our mistakes were from the past, there is no guarantee we will not commit them once more. Does this mean history teaches us nothing?

I have come to accept that what is essential is what we have now and that the past is only significant for making us into who we have become. So maybe, we do learn from history. But since we are not perfect, we are expected to make mistakes, no matter how learned, or how stupid we are.  Because circumstances will always be different the next time. There is no accurate way of predicting people’s behavior and events that will happen. This is why sometimes, it seems futile to plan too much for what lies ahead, because no one knows what’s in store tomorrow. Despite insurance policies and strategic planning, there is no guarantee what the future will bring.

So whatever it is that you have, grab it and make the most out of it. There is wisdom in living as if it is your last day on earth. This is not to say that you should not hope for tomorrow. Hope is always a good thing. But it will not amount to anything if you don’t do something about it. As they say, the only thing we can give to other people is our vulnerability — and I suppose, that’s not too much to risk losing.