whatever

How does one know if time has finally come

To put an end to this vicious cycle

Of waiting and not waiting..of getting

tired of it all? But doing it all again.

Knowing and not knowing when, why and how

Things are supposed to be with you and me.

And that eerie comfort I keep finding

in the thought that you are still there for me.

|

I try not to cry and make do with sighs

Because I have learned that the best way to

fight is to surrender without trying

to put up with all the consequences

And to leave you with the choice to just leave

things be. Knowing how much I love thee.

When strong emotions get the better of us, it is wise to pause and listen intently to the arguments between what is wrong but feels so right, versus what kills us but makes everything else right. 

It is very easy to disregard other people’s feelings when we focus on our own.

Sometimes, the very thing that will make us happy, will be at the expense of the happiness of the people who love us. 

It is never easy to make a choice.

But we must remember that the choices we make need not necessarily have to be entirely up to us.

Pray for discernment and trust God to to guide us in all the decisions we will make.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, but we are still in control of the journey towards our destinies.

And in this brief madness I dare you now
Look me in the eye and tell me this lie –
No one can ever tell what’s true any how
Because I have stayed despite my goodbye.

|

And in one brief kiss I have surrendered
One moment of bliss and I’ve forgotten
Everything I fought for’s now asunder
All of the pain I do not remember.

|

Despite all the hurt, my heart’s still with you
Leaving me scattered, all battered and bruised
Just go and do whatever you want to
I will just comfort myself with the blues.

|

And try as I may I could not forget
This ill-fated love’s my greatest regret.

In this month long celebration of love, in all its glory, I find it challenging to deal with issues singles have to live with. Personally, I feel I am past the stage of dating just because I need something to do. It would be a waste of time to go out with people who I am not sincerely interested in getting to know better. There is such high expectations when you’re past a certain age. And for me, perhaps it’s 25.

Don’t get me wrong. I am having a blast discovering new things, meeting different kinds of people, and experimenting with all that life has to offer. But at the end of the day, there is that longing to form a lifelong connection with somebody.  We are made to be in relationships — after all, Eve was created for Adam to have company. But good company doesn’t come along everyday.  And maybe, this is the difficult part.

How do you make yourself available to the world? I am an introvert, down to the soul, and freeze at the thought of going to socials and actively meet people.  My work has limited my company to women (my colleagues are of the same species) and young boys and girls, who are my students.  How do I make it easier for God to introduce someone in my life?

This is not to say that I had been dwelling on finding myself a lifetime partner.  I know that patience and waiting and the perfect timing are all conniving to make that moment astounding. But as I look at my history (from an exclusive school till high school, psychology for college major where male population is roughly 15%) to my present situation, I have limited "exposure" to cultivate more friendships from the opposite sex.  How do I expect to find myself my lifelong partner, even remotely possible?

Another dateless valentine, the second time around. And although I am not complaining, I haven’t stopped hoping, and praying. Haha. Happy valentine.

| On nights like this, silence reverberates

| Penetrating thick walls that separate

| Us. I look for answers as I face you

| But your reticence leaves me no clue,

| "What have I done to deserve this?" I ask.

| But you remain seated, unmoved, unscathed.

| Your pensive look and resigned, heavy sigh,

| Leaves me restless, preparing for goodbye.

| Was it too little, or was it too much?

| I can’t feel you despite this desperate touch.

| And so I have no choice but to conceal

| Whatever is left of what I feel.

|

| Perhaps there’s really no need to confess

| Some thoughts are really best left unexpressed.

You tempt me with that winsome smile,

Creating a stir in my feeble heart for a while;

Making me all flushed and giddy inside

Even if you don’t even know I’m alive.

How lovely it would be to finally meet you,

But you don’t know how much I want to…

And although you don’t even have a clue,

I absolutely, ecstatically, adore you!

How does the end begin?

Is it much like losing something

You never had?

Such ignorance is bliss!

And to admit that YOU KNOW

Remains a mystery to me..

I find comfort in knowing

That I don’t know anything

At all.

While you claim to be everything!

You have no idea –

How everything starts with something

But, like now, it has all turned to nothing.