whatever

I have often heard people say that when they broke up, it was a mutual decision. But is it really?

What happens when people decide that they want to end the relationship? Some say they have irreconcilable differences..others felt tired or unhappy..or felt the relationship isn’t going anywhere — and then soon enough, ask for their respective "freedom."  But honestly, do both parties feel the same — that is, deciding to end the relationship?

I have yet to be convinced that this is indeed mutual. I have been guilty of using this line of reasoning as well. And I admit, it wasn’t. Oh but I wish it were. I asked for the break up because I thought it was the right thing to do. Even if it killed me. And pretended we both needed it..perhaps..but I didn’t feel the need, not as much as he did.

They say it’s a brave thing — letting go of someone you love. But bravery may just be a front..a guise to help both parties get through the break up.  As I have asked before, is love not enough? If it were, why can’t it sustain a relationship?

You’ve always wanted to take pictures,

   snapshot mementos of rich experiences

   encased in white frames

   that I would rather keep in my head.

And you argued,

   memories might fail you.

   While photographs hold the power

   to freeze time in a snap of your shutter.

How I wish that emotions

   could be frozen like your pictures.

   My memory does not fail me,

   and I remember completely

All the things, time and places,

   even the empty spaces,

   conveniently framed in your photos –

   creating nostalgia

While I stare at the pictures you’ve taken

   and ironically left behind

   when you vaguely mumbled

  your goodbye.

When I was younger and had my first major infatuation, my by-line was, "I have given him nothing and yet, how come I’m left with none?" Amazing at how empty I had felt despite hiding my deepest and most passionate feelings for a friend. I have kept them all inside of me and yet, it felt as if I lost everything.

And then I had my long-term relationship (or what I call the 5 years and forever fling) and I realized that maybe if I give a little, I would have something to hold on to even if it ends.  And I’m right. What’s left of me is directly proportional to what I had given..or say..invested in the relationship.

Love it seems, is always not enough to sustain a relationship. No matter how selfless and unconditional.. sometimes, the relationship just wouldn’t work.  I had and will always believe in timing.  When the time is right, everything will just seem to fall into place — like meeting destiny face to face.  And when that time comes, love may not still be enough, but it will feel and be finally right.