May 11 2005
Why is Waiting so Difficult?
"I had been schooled in a Catholic pragmatic way and perhaps this is the reason why I am finding myself getting impatient with this waiting thing. I really thought I was a patient person..until I found out all about waiting.
I used to think I was realistic but when I had that very painful heartbreak, I found out that I was an idealist, after all. I prayed for discernment. So the ironies keep coming and they get me more impatient everyday.
But I have learned to pray the most difficult prayer: that His will be done. I keep praying that as each day passes I will learn to mean these three words more deeply and passionately. The total surrender it entails is totally new to me..I wanted to believe that I was in control of my fate..that destiny is what I make it. That seemed rational and logical. But then, His logic and reason transcends mine..and the practical faith I grew up with was shaken..in a positive way.
I wanted to have ‘enlightenment’ and see the bigger picture, so to speak, hoping to grasp and fully comprehend His reasons. But I found out the hard way that sometimes, faith overpowers reason. I wanted to know and understand everything all at once..but there are things that we have to accept despite our failure to comprehend. But faith leads me to believe that in time, it will all make sense.
Still, waiting is difficult and painful. But I do believe, whatever is in store is worth it all and more."
