whatever

Once in a great while you get to meet someone who changes your life. You may never even have asked for it but your life screeches to a sudden halt, pauses for what seems like an eternity and crashes everything you once believed in. The funny thing is, you fail to recognize this until that someone leaves.  And for all we know, that may be the only purpose they have for touching our lives — to radically move us.

Sometimes they break us into a million pieces so we could reconstruct ourselves into someone better, someone stronger or more indestructible. At times, they polish us so well that we get to find ourselves shining proudly with the new found confidence we never thought we had.  Other times, they pull us up or even give us wings to soar to new heights we never dreamed was possible.  Still others drag us down to the depths of an abyss, leaving us breathless, or worse, the thought of an imminent death, only to be resurrected and given new life.

So what have we to do? The best I suppose, is to live life anew.  After all, we ought to grab every opportunity we get to turn over a new leaf. Nothing is ever really wasted. And although we cannot help being too late, there’s no such thing as being too early.

Life is what we make it. So is destiny. So we should stop asking ourselves why certain people have to enter our lives only to leave us behind. What’s been done is done. Maybe it’s for the best. For all its worth, remember that the only thing that’s certain and permanent aside from death is change. Say goodbye to yesterday and welcome today with the hope of a better tomorrow.

With the start of the year and all, I found myself checking out a free compatibility report based on my birthdate. And I thought I was fairly unpredictable! The accounts and descriptions are quite true and I must say this is creepy. I am pretty demanding..I never thought of myself to be this rigid. But looking back, I think I am. =)

Mercury Conjunct Pluto with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

You’re not awfully good at being disagreed with. You delve into matters, think them through thoroughly and expect your conclusions to be universally shared. Flexibility is not your strong suit. No one should try to lie to you or keep things from you. Somehow you ferret out others’ secrets although you keep your own.

Mercury Quintile Jupiter with an orb of less than 1 degree

You have a quality people trust and you are often sought after as a confidante or an advisor. You have high moral and ethical standards and it is imperative that anyone you’re close to is a person of the highest integrity. You prefer well-educated people.

Venus Quintile Saturn with an orb of less than 1 degree

While you may not be emotionally demonstrative or sentimental, you love deeply, lastingly and loyally. You may be strongly drawn to people either much older or much younger than you are. Love, for you, has always entailed an enormous amount of responsibility.

Sun Conjunct Pluto with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees

Power struggles plague your relationships. Either you become the dominant partner out of a fear of being controlled or you become very passive, controlling indirectly through guilt or manipulation.

Sun Sextile Neptune with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees

One of your great strengths is your sensitivity. You tune in easily to the psyches of other people and, while you may not notice the color of their eyes, have an almost eerie understanding of their private inner worlds. Your close ties are very private.

Mercury Sextile Neptune with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees

You know things intuitively as well as rationally and have a rare capacity to perceive in others feelings, thoughts and dreams they may never have openly shared. Anyone close to you would have to share your love of music and interest in spiritual thought.

"Revenge is justice without love..and without love, it is meaningless."

It is Christmas once again, the ultimate celebration of love. And so it is but timely to start reflecting on forgiveness and reconciliation — the best forms of love there is. It is a common phenomenon that we get angry with people who have hurt us. After all, nobody deserves to be hurt, certainly not ourselves. But have you realized that anger isn’t exactly destroying the person who have hurt us? The only thing that it can destroy is ourselves.

Forgiveness is a release from this anger. Ironically, the most difficult person to forgive is still ourselves. This isn’t to say that we can all glorify egocentricity but it is the harsh truth. We are victimes of our own selves. Nobody else is responsible for the hurt that we experience. We choose to be hurting if we refuse to let go of this and forgive freely.

Christmas is a great time to start anew. Advent, after all, is the beginning of our liturgical year. And so it is high time to cvlean up our messes and pick up on the things that have been left hanging for decades. And maybe, just maybe, this is indeed going to be the most wonderful time of the year.

"When reason ends, faith begins." - Anonymous

Or so it seems. There lies the impossible task of discerning the truth. Because every detail of life is subject to the personal interpretation of the one who experiences it. Is faith really a blind surrender to one’s personal unconscious?

Pardon my being too technical, but it is apparently frustrating to see too many conflicting ideas being spelled out by "experts" that there seems to be no absolute truth to anything anymore. Is logic and reason not enough to explain the phenomena and experiences we have?

It is truly difficult to even try to remotely comprehend a radical idea that seems flawless in its argument. Yet, it is wise to contemplate on the veracity of it first before accepting its truth. I refuse to believe that faith cannot be explained by reason. After all, they claim that there’s always a reason for everything…

So for the meantime, I would just have to be content with the argument that the truth is within us. It’s existence is just waiting to be found by those who are curious enough to look for it.

The passing of another year doesn’t guarantee a year’s worth of wisdom gained. While it is hoped that we should all achieve this, unfortunately, most of us don’t. Birthdays, like anniversaries, are accomplishments that people have come to celebrate. But have you really taken the time to ponder if your life is worth all the hype? Is it really worth celebrating another year of life?

Existence is fleeting and unnoticeable. In this regard, if one hasn’t lived his/her life to the full, then one isn’t living at all. The physiological aspect of merely breathing, I suppose, isn’t enough to merit a grandiose celebration. And yet, ironically, waking up to witness a new day merits enough reason to celebrate.

I say we should take on the challenge of living. Carpe diem. Because no matter how each day passes by where nothing seems to change, try to look back and you’ll realize that everything’s already different. Today is indeed a present–a mystery we should always unravel to its very core.

And so we should take on a mission to do good, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant. A good life can be achieved through good deeds. After all, life should be lived well.

Inspired by Ma’am Irish’s Bulletin Board, I’ve decided to come up with my own list of the simplest and most inexpensive things that make me delightfully happy. They really don’t cost much but they will surely be treasured in my heart.

1. stargazing on a clear summer sky (with lots of shooting stars)
2. long walks with someone really special
3. interesting and intimate conversations
4. cuddling up in bed on a cold rainy day
5. having a poem or song written for me
6. sleeping in on a weekend
7. singing my heart out when i feel like it (hahaha)
8. getting soaked in the rain (lmfao..=D)
9. long hours of telephone conversations
10. sitting side by side with someone i really like in silence
11. going to churches and saying my prayers
12. sms, emails that inspire or make me smile/laugh
13. thought provoking questions
14. unsolved mysteries
15. making someone else happy
16. just hanging around doing nothing
17. having someone to listen to me without judgment
18. someone to take care of and will take care of me too (awww…hahahaha. so not me!)
19. trying something new
20. learning new and valuable things
21. keeping in touch with family and friends
22. going on nature trips and adventures
23. writing anything and everything..or blogging
24. recieving sincere compliments
25. giving everything i’ve got.

..I could go on but I’ll take my time in building up this list.

Am I living my life as if in a dream?

It’s so hard to tell if everything’s surreal.

I can hear you although I refuse to listen,

I see you despite the mile long distance.

So what am I to do to wake up from this madness?

Are you my light to the blinding darkness?

Can you feel me if I dare touch you,

Will you care to dream of me too?

Let’s have a closer look at the type five personality inventory of thge enneagram:

• I find it hard to express my feelings in the moment.
• I get lost in my interest & like to be alone with them for hours.
• Brash, loud people offend me.
• I find conforming distateful.
• I feel different from most people.
• I feel invisible. I get surprised when people notice me.
• I don’t look for material possessions to make me happy.
• I am motivated by the need to know & understand everything, to be self-sufficient and to avoid looking foolish.
• I assume a poker face in order not to look afraid.
• I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
• If I seem aloof, distant and arrogant, it may be because I feel uncomfortable.
• If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
• I might doubt your sincerity if you welcome me too intensely or come on like a bulldozer.
• My pet peeves are: big parties, other people’s loud music, overdone emotions and intrusions on my privacy.
• I tend to speak in a brief and straightforward manner.
• I am typically calm in a crisis.
• I can be cynical and intellectually arrogant.
• I base my decision on what I think is right, and not on what other people think.

Wow. These are all so ME. =)

The past few days brought about a heavy downpour and caused a week long vacation. It was a much needed break from all the things that needed to be done at work and with my thesis. Yet, there’s something about rainy days that make people go wistful and uncontrollably melodramatic.

Maybe it was the cold weather..or the trickle of raindrops that makes the heart wander and create clouds of memories in the head. Are there any regrets over the things that have come to pass? Of course not. But still, there’s a slight kick in the gut as we look back on the things that have been done, what could’ve been and words that were left unsaid.

But it’s over. Just like the rain and the storm. Another day has begun. It’s time to face forward and embrace the sunny days ahead.

There’s eustress and there’s distress — but I don’t know and I can’t tell which of which I am having at this point. A lot is expected and have to be accomplished at some point, and it has become nerve-wracking in a way. But I am not complaining nor whining, merely expressing my thoughts and sentiments on the matter.

It’s been ages since I posted anything on this blog. Perhaps this is also one of the reasons why I have to be by myself, otherwise, things will be doubly difficult. I know I’ll get out of this alive, but please, is there anybody out there willing to save me?